Honest Mistake...

So tonight, as I mentioned is the night that the wife and I are going to go to a show and then spending the night at a fancy hotel. It should be good, the show should be fun, and the hotel we know is very elegant. Unfortunately with everything, tonight comes with the expectation of sex. Do not get me wrong I do not dislike sex, quite the opposite, I would love to actually have a sex life that included sex multiple times a week instead of once every 3 or 4 weeks. But tonights sex would be different, its the expectation. My wife expects that I want it, and thus its her "wifely duty" to provide. Yet if I tell her I really am not interested in that, it becomes rejection, which would ruin the whole time. So instead of having joyous, hot, passionate, kinky sex, it will be guilt ridden, the result only being an orgasm or two. Neither of us will feel satisfied, but she will at least be saying to herself that she did her "wifely duty".

Now you may be saying that well dude you just suck in the sack, maybe I do, I honestly do not know, I am obviously not a woman. Now of course, what wife that is not spiteful, would say you suck, my wife does not say I suck, in fact quite the opposite, but I have a hard time believing that to be true. We used to have sex or make love multiple times a week, even when we had 2 kids, young kids. But since our last child our sex life is crappy. We can go two months without anything. I've tried being extra romantic, candles, flowers, love letters, nothing seems to encourage it, and no I do not mean boom one night doing all that, I mean of a span of time. So maybe she just has lost interested, I would not be surprised if the fact that we have had our last child is the reason. Now there is no possibility that she will get pregnant, no more babies, and well really thats what the sex was for maybe in her mind.

I read or heard or saw someplace that they said for a man sex leads to better intimacy in the relationship, for a woman good intimacy is needed before sex can be fulfilling or good or whatever. Seems to me that means we are approaching things from the opposite sides of the road. The hard part is getting to meet each other halfway. Or even trying to meet each other at all. As I mentioned above I've gone to lengths to try to increase her feeling of intimacy, but obviously it did not lead to increasing my feeling of intimacy.

Right now I sit here typing this up with my 2 year old on my lap. And I think back and yeah it was the birth of him when things changed. But I would not could not wish for anything different, he is a bundle of joy. So if I have to suffer a bit, be unhappy for a while, he is well worth the joy that he brings. I guess all things have a counter balance. And he is it for this...