Time..

Just keeps going into the future...

Yeah been a while since I posted, maybe I got sick of whining. I dunno, but here I am again. Saw my friend, yeah that one. First time I had seen her in like 3 years, silly thing we went to the opening night of Star Wars. What a geeky thing to do. She looked great, her bf looked nicer than I remembered him. Maybe I remembered him as scummy just cause I was jealous. Not sure. Forgot how energetic she was, how full of life and energy. She still looks good, has not changed much in 3 years. I so could keep falling for her, luckily she is the smarter of the two of us.

Tonight I had to lie to my wife. She was away for a couple days and I was home with the kids. She wanted to cuddle, so we did and she says "I missed you." So I felt I had to say "I missed you too." But well, I enjoyed her being away, time to myself, having the kids. And well it was only a couple of days, and I didn't. I really just didn't miss her. *sigh*

What I want to say...

My friend, used to always brag about when she got some from her bf. She has not done it recently. I think she got some last night. I wish she would brag, cause I have the perfect response now.

Did he kiss you so passionately you thought he would suck the breath out of you? Did he run his hand under your shirt and pinch your nipples till you could not stop trembling in pleasure and pain? Did he throw you down on the bed and rip off your pants, then eat you like an ice cream on a hot summer day. Did he lick and suck your clit till the juice poured off his chin, while his fingers tickled your insides? Did he turn you over and fuck you like bull in heat, each thrust trying to go deeper, so that when he came his cum would never be able to find its way out. Did he leave you exhausted, and content? If not, I would have.

I so want to tell her that...

Things...

So its now been two weeks since I got my raise and bonus. I still have yet to tell my wife. I do not know why, there have been opportunities to do it, but I just have not. Am I secretly desiring for something to happen so I can do something with it that I want to. Do I want to run away and am planning on using that as my seed money? I don't know but I really should do something with it, its really silly to just keep walking around with a check, and eventually I am guessing she will notice the difference in my pay check.

So a couple of weeks back I brought up the whole lack of sex thing, told her I figured she was not interested in me at all. Of course she turns around and says no thats not true at all I am the only man she can think of now. Not sure if I believe that, and of course she has to say she is sure that I look at other women and she understands that. Gesh talk about attempted guilt trip. Well it did not really work. I told her I really wished we had intimacy more. She said she did too. And of course we fooled around that night. Then her "friend" came for her monthly visit, and nothing. Then a really good night, and well nothing much since. I don't know, what more can I do but say the problem, say what I want, and work to change it but get nothing.

Once, we both were to write up a list of things we wanted to try. I wrote up my list and showed her. She seemed to get bothered, never wrote up her list, and that was the end of that. I did not think I was that wakko...

On a side note, the friend I have mentioned before, appears to be getting more interested in S&M at least some of the minor bits of it. She has found a few blogs she likes that detail some minor master slave relationships. So I went out and bought her Beauty's Punishment by Anne Rice. I have not read it myself but I have heard its good, at least a good bit of erotica. I mailed it off. If my wife found out she no doubt would assume the worst and flip out. And not sure I would mind. Oh well enough for now.

Thoughts...

Did not realize it had been so long since a post. Not much to update. I talked to my wife about our situation in bed, and I suppose it got better, we've had sex twice in two weeks. Not exactly the full result I wanted but it was better and more interesting then its been a while.

One thing of note, I have gotten a raise and a bonus, and I do not know why, but I have yet to tell my wife... For some reason I just keep putting it of, I assume I have a reason... Maybe I just am afraid that she will spend us into oblivion...

More later... Like maybe how I think that if given the chance I would jump at sleeping with that friend of mine, just cause I still cannot get her out of my mind. Even though that probably would have dire consequences... I would no care...

Frustration

I am so frustrated. My wife said earlier in the week she would like to plan a "project" of getting more time and having some nice fun, interesting, erotic foreplay. Great, awesome, thats happened like once in the last year, if that. Sex is pretty much 1, 2, 3 for her. Same steps, and finish at the same place. But I had no faith that anything would happen. Well I was right, last night, at about nine she says, I am going to have some ice cream and a bath, then go to bed. Exactly what I expected, so I draw her bath for her and she proceeds to do that. I go to bed myself at 11, try to be very quiet, get in bed. And she wakes up. Then she goes on and says to me while she tries to go to sleep that she thinks that I am not attracted to her anymore. Gesh, she is the one that blew ME off. I do not get it. If anything she has no passion for me, and has not for years...

Passion fruit

So what is the difference between love and being in love. Is it passion? Is passion the missing ingredient in that recipe? I remember when I used to wonder and think about what my spouse was doing all day, where she was, was she thinking about me, was she happy. I do not remember the last time I wondered about that, or even gave it a passing thought. Is that the difference? Is wanting someone so bad you ache, that you see them and you just want to kiss them forever the passion that fills both your heart and your loins. Is that the being in love, or is that something else?

Thinking about it I find it hard to believe that my parents were ever in the in love phase. That they felt that way about each other. Maybe its because I am their kid and cannot see that or maybe its because they seem so far from that now, heck since I can remember they seem so far from it. Life is just a series of walking through things for them, at least relationship wise. I can see them passionate about the kids and the grand kids, but not really about anything else. Does anyone after they have been together for a long time still have the passion. Is it a silly thing to want, to hope for? I wish I had an answer for that.

Tired...

I am so tired lately. Unlike most people I need 8 hours of sleep, well actually at least 7 hours of sleep. Going to bed at midnight and getting up at 5:30 is just not cutting it. Even going to bed earlier to make up for a few days of that does not seem to fix it. Or maybe I am depressed. Suppose thats possible too. Would not be the first time. Valentines day was a lot of nothing. I had hoped to pick up the ring that I had gotten for my wife, unfortunately the store closed early. See I do love my wife, I am just not in love with her. As she has said at times before we feel more like best friends than lovers or a couple. I suppose that happens after a time. Its just not very satisfying. I have found a few blogs that deal with people having affairs or getting a divorce. Their worlds seem so foreign.